Happy New Year's :)

God. Am I glad that 2009 is over & done with. That year sucked balls. I only have a handful of good memories to remember it by. And compared to 2oo9, those memories can't amount to much of anything.

So. My New Year's Resolution?
1) To be diligent in my work.
2) To become more responsible.
3) To have a better work ethic.
4) To change the world... for the better.
5) To be more positive.
6) To post at least one blog a month, each month, with a great memory from that month.
7) To keep promises and secrets.
8) To be someone that someone else can count on.
9) To make the most of this year.
10) To not take a moment for granted, & thank God everyday for my blessings.

So really, I've got about 10 expectations I've set out for myself. Snappp. :)

But this year started off well :) My boyfriend, Mark (who is currently in New Orleans, on Bourbon Street), called me to wish me happy new years. Along with his brother, mom, dad, best friend, other best friend, friend, friend's mom, friend's dad, and friend's little brother. They all remembered the time change, while completely drunk off their booties, & wished me happy new years.

He's a keeper, ladies ;3

You've written a hit musical! How will you avoid having fame go to your head?

Sorry, but if I just wrote a hit new musical, & my name is a household term, I'm going to have the fame going to my head. Maybe I'll be egotistical and self centered. Who isn't? Or maybe, I'll be down to earth and not care. I don't know, nor can I say. All I know is that I am one tiny molecule in this giant world.

Currently Listening To: Swing, Swing by the All American Rejects

Weird mood. FML is my new catch phrase. Being grounded is my daily routine. Happily taken is my relationship status. Disappointment floods my being. Yeah. Life sucks, & its the new year. & I'm spending it alone in my room. Fuck.

Disclaimer: I'm angry. I will use fuck often. Don't like it, don't read it.

So. Boyfriend. New thing, right? Yeah. I don't do well with relationships & commitments. I would say I feel like this time is different, but I've said that all too often in the past. I'm living this one moment to moment. And did I mention? He's awesome.

So why am I not with him on this night? Why, he's in New Orleans, partying with his family and friends. Which I am really jealous of him for. I love that city. More than Los Angeles. I miss it so incredibly much. And, I think, I miss him too. Weird feeling for me, really. But anyways. I need to vent and talk about a bunch of stuff, so here goes. This is uncensored, and I don't give a fuck.

So here's to a happy new year.

December 26, 2oo9;; 11:30pm ---

Me & my boyfriend leave from where we were to go home. I'm in a place where I have never been. I'm looking for signs on how to get back to the highway. Apparently, from what I was told, I run a red light. My eyes meet the person in the car before me. Panic, fear, and utter confusion strike their face. I hit their car, and get in an accident, my boyfriend as an eye witness. I call my parents. Second time I've ever had to do this. FML.

December 26, 2oo9;; 11:33pm ---

I try to get out of my car. My seatbelt is locked, & luckily the air bag didn't go off (which means I was going less than 30mph). I can't open my door, but my window still works. Some kid runs over to my car to see if I'm okay. He's kind of cute, & was the one who called it in. But I want my boyfriend. And that's all I was asked consistently for three hours. If I'm okay. I'm walking. I'm fine. I start to freak out because of my anxiety disorder. I see my boyfriend, & I start to calm down a little bit.

December 26, 2oo9;; 11:36pm ---

My boyfriend, Mark, tries to open my door, but can't. I have to give my information to the police officer through my window. Mark decides I should climb over the passenger seat & get out. I do. I can barely walk, so he has to hold me up. Its freezing balls off outside. I finally see what damage was done. My front bumper is destroyed. The driver side door of the other car is a perfect mirror image to my car, bent inwards at a cresent moon shape. The police officer takes Mark from me. I freak out again.

December 26, 2oo9;; 11:42pm ---

I get asked what happened, & I tell them what I've already typed out. They ask if I was distracted; food, ipod, texting. I honestly tell them I wasn't. Their faces show that they think otherwise. Fuck them. I get to stand with Mark again, and I kind of stop freaking out. More 'are you okay' questions. I hate this.

December 26, 2oo9;; 11:50pm ---

The police officer can tell I'm flipping my shit. He tells me I can sit in his car to get warm. Yes, that's what I want to do officer. Sit in the back of your police car, and feel like a criminal. Because I don't already feel like shit enough. I tell him that's not an option, that I need to stand by my boyfriend. He says that a tow truck will be coming to take the other car away. He tells me to stand by his car, and not move. Continuously checking back to see if I move. Like I'm going to run. He already has my information. What would running do?

December 26, 2oo9;; 11:57pm ---

The tow truck finally gets there. And takes the other car away. Now I'm standing in front of the police car, watching as they take the kid's car away. All I feel is cold. I'm shaking because of my anxiety, which ironically, warms me up. Odd. The policeman says they're going to move my car away now, and move it to the side. I say okay, half heartedly listening to him. I just want Mark. Which is so weird for me. I've never felt so dependent on someone before. Especially not my boyfriend of exactly two weeks. A little attached? Maybe. But I was scared out of my mind. I've never been in an accident before. Fender bender once before, but never like this. Mark has to drive my car over the to side, because I can't. He's a good boyfriend.

December 27, 2oo9;; 12:05pm ---

The policeman says I have to get out of the middle of the road. Where he told me to stand before. Fucking make up your mind, stupid. So he tells me I can ride over with Mark. I completely agree to that. I sit in his truck trembling, and he holds me. I'm about to cry at this moment, but he keeps me together. And keeps telling me that everything is going to be okay. Oddly, this cliche sounds brand new to me when he says it. Same with him asking if I'm okay. Never have I ever valued someone being there for me so much. We move off to the side of the road, and wait for my parents.

December 27, 2oo9;; 12:13pm ---

My parents get there. What a way to meet my parents, boyfriend. FML. My daddy checks out the car. The police man says its driveable. So my mom climbs in to drive it. My parents thank Mark for staying with me this entire time. He leaves. I start crying as he drives off. Why? I don't know. But I get into my dad's truck, and we follow my mom home.

December 27, 2oo9;; 3:00am ---

Mark calls me and lets me know he's home. Why did it take him three hours to get home, you ask? It didn't. It took him twenty minutes. The previous actions were how quickly I felt them go by. Really, all that took around two and a half hours or so. But I start crying, telling him how I'm expecting him to break up with me. That he's endured enough with me. He says he's not going anywhere, and he wouldn't break up with me for something silly like that. Then I start crying because he's such an amazing person. We hang up. I feel my neck hurting worse and worse. I don't think its normal to feel your pulse in your vertebrae. Especially around the 1C - 3C region, if you know anything about the neck. I decide that a visit to the hospital may not be so bad.

December 27, 2oo9;; 11:00am ---

I wake up with my neck killing me. But I decide against the hospital. Going there would only make last night more real, and tangible. Right now, I don't want that, so I decide against it. Mark & about 4 of his friends text me, making sure I'm okay. I like him. A lot. He treats me well. But in about 4 hours, my family is coming over for our Christmas party. Swell. I get ready, and paint a happy face on. And get knocked up on pain killers. Shit, I don't think its good for you to not feel your feet. But its better than the hospital.

December 31, 2oo9;; 3:23pm ---

I'm scheduled to attend a New Year's party tonight with my sister/best friend. She calls to make plans, or maybe I call her. I go to ask my mom if she can pick me up. Our car was taken in this morning, and totalled. FUCK MY UNIMPORTANT LIFE. Obviously, I'm grounded.

December 31, 2oo9;; 11:04pm ---

I've been informed I'm not allowed to have my iPod in the car. Ever. No big deal. My parents think I was occupied. Asking me how I missed a red light. I can't answer that. How do you miss a red light? It's easier than you think. But my parents, my insurance agent, and I are to draw up a contract with all these legalities regarding my driving. I understand that I got in an accident. But it happens. No one got hurt. Everyone gets in accidents. Even the cop said so. I realize its a little more than that. But a contract? Regarding my driving because I got into my first ever accident? I'm sorry. It just seems a bit drastic for me.

December 31, 2oo9;; 11:23pm ---

The current time. Fuck my life. Fuck.

And right now, my boyfriend is in New Orleans, my favorite city of all time. He's got plenty of beads, & I'm sure has given plenty away. Oh, and he's drunk off his ass. But I'm not really concerned at all. I trust him. I'm just utterly jealous that he gets to ring in the New Year in my city. Damn him :)

I've been in a weird and pissed off mood all day, really. Its been a blah day. And I'm sick. We now have one car. And no one is telling me anything. I'm trying to help. But I can't do a damn thing when no one is giving me anything to work with. Right now, I hate my life.

And I was looking back on this year, to relive any memories, if possible. So here's just a run through of this year, 2oo9, for me, Deegin Moyle.

January - Can't remember. I'd imagine it to be cold. Almost dated a boy with a girlfriend. That was interesting.

February - I hate Valentine's Day. Its stupid taken or single. Took the ACT. Got a 29 :)

March - I can't remember anything. Mom's birthday, & March madness. Research paper.

April - Spring break. I got drunk for the first time in my lifetime. Played apples to apples. Ha.

May - 17th birthday. Finished Junior year. Met stupidface & I'm introduced to a drug dealer's life. Wish I would have cared. I have 3 guys stringing along. I'm a terrible person. I get worse.

June - Dated stupidface. I fell for him. I get wasted at my best friend's sister's 20th birthday party. I invite him, apparently. At said party, this kid I've met once tells me he's in love with me. Awkward. I'm not single. Two weeks later, stupidface breaks up with me because I wouldn't fuck him. Sucks for you, shithead.

July - One night stand to numb the pain? Didn't work well. Mistake? Oh yes.

August - Senior year started. I'm on top of the world.

September - Met my friend, Tamika. I love her. Worked at the haunted hayride. I meet Mark, & his friend Alex. God is Mark sexy. At this point, I have 8 guys at my fingertips.

October - Fell for a boy at the hayride. I've wanted to ride his 4 wheeler for a year now. I finally get the balls to ask him. We exchange numbers, & I get to know him. He had a girlfriend. Fuck him. I've got 7 guys now. Damn.

November - My manager who I've been extremely attracted to since forever suddenly finds that I'm awesome. No shit. Took him long enough. But I start to like him for him, not just his looks. Too bad he's normal, and horny all the time. Back to having 8 guys again. I'm set. Thanksgiving. Day after, I go shopping with my cousin. We go over to Mark's house. I take my cousin home, & I go back over to watch a movie. We make out. What the fuck? Yeah. Turns out I didn't like my manager as much as I had thought.

December - Festival of lights, I start dating Mark, quite possibly one of the greatest people to enter my life. Car accident. New Year's Eve. Fuck.

Well. My life is uneventful in all fashions. It's filled with boys. That's it. Meh. It happens. I've changed my ways. I've learned a lot this year. I just hope next year is better. Here's to another year with my virginity :) & hopefully a long and meaningful relationship with a spectacular guy.

7 minutes till the ball drops. Till 2010 rolls in. Till 4 1/2 months left of high school. Till summer. Till college. Till commitment. Till term papers. Till the real world. Till being on my own. Till living my life. Till making my own decisions. Till hopefully not fucking up. Till hopefully making the right choices for my life. Till I plan my future, while maintaining the present.

I don't wanna grow up.

ohhhh heck yes.

Me in the middle

that's what I want to wake up to in the morning.

END OF STORY.

Baby piggies? How cute can you get? Seriously. There is Nothing more touching and adorable than two little piglets painting their faces.

I want a baby piggy.
& I WANT ONE NOW.
so buy me one for Christmas, & make me yours? :)

Currently Listening To: My best friend say random baby names

So I suppose I'll go along with the trend, seeing as it seems to be the cool thing to do nowadays.

Girls:
Allyanna
Bianca Lynn
Tallie Rae

Boys:

Try making up the rules to a game where you tie knots in a yo-yo string just to see if you can get them out:

1) Deegin always tries first.
2) Deegin always ties all the knots.
3) Deegin says if you lose or not.
The end. I win.

Currently Listening To: A jerk face who just walked into my study hall. Mehhh :P

Robert Frost has got it going on. "A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. "

For real. Guys, remember that.

I'm in the mood for quoting, so here goes nothing.

• "Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't." - Pete Seeger

• "Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes. " - Oscar Wilde

• "Every woman is just a different kind of problem." - Chuck Palahniuk

• "People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messed cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown. " - Chuck Palahniuk

So, today is quite the boring day. Not much from me. Just a few things to reminisce on.
Goodbye, bloggers.

I HATE CREEPERS.
mmmk?

You've broken up with your old band and are about to release your first solo album. Please write the liner notes:

To my old band, you all suck. Hope you enjoy my music. I couldn't have had this amazing solo career without breaking up with you first. I mean, let's be honest. You guys were holding me back. Love you all!

xoxo - Deegin

Currently Listening To: Not much of anything.

Haha. No, I couldn't be that mean, especially if that were to be published! But, regardless. I wouldn't be in a solo act. I cannot sing. I can dance. But I cannot sing. But if I were in a band, mannn. That's what's up.

My friend is taking a trip to Canada. Without me. I will never meet Alex Evans. Sucks. Very much so.

So. I'm a terrible person, I have a virus on my computer, and I need to buy a flash drive. A ton of colleges have a deadline for applications due by.. uh.. tomorrow. And I have so much to do. So much, that I cannot even fathom where to start. I know I have a ton to do, but I don't know what. This is so completely stressful, that I'm considering not going to college. Ughhh. Convince me? Ha. Charley & Brandon. I need yewwww.

xoxox

You've successfully slain the dragon! How will you toast your marshmallows?

WHAT!?! Why on earth would I have killed the dragon?! Dragons are quite possibly the coolest things on the face of this earth. That, and shiny rocks at renaissance festivals.

Currently Listening To: About a Girl - The Academy Is

Well. I haven't been on here in an ungodly time. Sorry about that. Anyways, I have tons to talk about. Lucky youuuuu.

First item up for business. Girls. Drama. Stupidity. I have had a revelation today. Girls are so dramatic, & our emotions do change with the wind. I would hate to be a guy trying to figure out if a girl likes you or not. Ever heard of the song "Mood Rings" by Relient K? I believe that we should really do such things. If you have never heard the song, shame on you. But here's the basis of the song:

"and i've contrived some sort of a plan to help my fellow man
let's get emotional girls to all wear mood rings
so we'll be tipped off to when they're ticked off
cause we'll know just what they're thinking"

How smart is that? No more guessing, no more rejection. Gah, its perfect. Of course, somehow, that would be impending on some right we have in the constitution, conveniently. But I'm convinced it would work. Next item of business, though.

Boys. Boys. Boys. Boys. (My apologies Charley for copying this ;D). What the hell. I can't figure them out. Can someone please write a rule book for them? I'll right one for you about girls. Actually. That'd be a good blogging idea. All blogs relating to girls, rules (per se) for girls, and what to do/not to do around them. Hmm. I just may do that.

100 Do's & Dont's for Boys

I like it. Anyways, if I'm starting a paragraph like that, its obviously going to be a long, and in depth topic. So.. ready? Buckle up buttercup, and fly awayyyy.

First boy. Cute boy with four wheeler. Remember him? If not, I'll jog your memory: met him at my seasonal job, started flirting with him, he flirted back, we exchanged numbers, started talking every night, found out he had a girlfriend. WTF, right? Yeah, no. Its happened to me before, so this isn't an oddity. Anyways, I kind of liked this cute kid with a four wheeler. & he kept hitting on me, flirting hard core, etc. So I kind of fell for him. He was, essentially, my soul mate. Ha, now, that seems a bit drastic, but for the person I write this section about, they understand my terminology. Anyways, I decided to just be friends with him, because he is awesome. He just, has a girlfriend. They always do. But! One Saturday not too long ago, he messed up. Royally. And pissed me off. Now we don't talk at all, which is quite a shame. I conveniently relied on my 7pm phone call. It always came. And it never lasted less than two hours. Stupid kid. Needless to say, he's out of my life.

Second Boy. My best friend. He got a Mustang about a week and a half ago. And I got to ride in it. Terrible how boys buy cars to get action in them. Personally, I couldn't see myself having sex in that back seat; too small. But hey, whatever floats your boat, I suppose. Anyways, I hung out with him the other day. & he wants a girlfriend, or whatever, right? Well. I have made it evident that he and I will never date. It would be weird. I can't picture it. So we hung out, and he drove me all around in his Mustang yesterday, and it was fun. But of course, he had to make things awkward, and hit on me. We tried playing strip poker, but I quit early. And then we played Wii. Which I pwned. And let me say something first, this kid has always been attracted to me. Ever since grade school and what not. But seriously? I don't want a boyfriend right now, and certainly not my best friend. I'm not to that maturity level where I can get passed the best friend-ness and date him. I can't do it.

Third Boy. Kid I met a while back, about two months ago. He lives about 30 minutes away, and he's kind of sweet. Friday night I was chilling with my cousin who lives out by him, and upon not finding a thing to do, I called this kid, half jokingly, and asked him what he would do if I showed up at his doorstep. He said his parents were chill with it, so we went. This was around... 7 pm or so, & my cousin had to be home at 8pm. (Lame, I know!) So we could only stay for around 40 minutes. Anyways, my cousin was antisocial the entire time (how we are related, I'll never know), and me, this kid's dad, brother and himself, all played pool. Sweet, right? Yeah, it was. I was on his dad's team, and we completely kicked their asses. But hey, I'm a girl, and I do that sometimes :) Regardless, my cousin likes this kid's little brother. Let's say, this kid's name is Henry, kay? So my cousin likes Henry's little brother, who likes me. Henry himself also has taking quite a liking to me, and I like neither of them. Goodness, what a soap opera this could make. Anyways. So, upon leaving Henry's house to take my cousin home, his dad invited me back, as I didn't have curfew until 1am. So, I accepted his proposal. Getting in the car, my cousin flips her shit at me for agreeing to go back & chill with him. But wait! Before you take her side, I asked her 4 times how she felt about this, & if she wanted me to go back to her house, all chances she had she ignored by shrugging her shoulders. So, me, not wanting to deal with her antisocialness, agreed to go back to Henry's house. (I love my cousin, but if you knew her, you would agree to stay away from her when she's in her antisocial slumps. It can get brutally nasty). So. I go back to Henry's house. And his brother comes over and says, "hey, this is the coolest movie ever. Go upstairs and watch it with my brother" Set up? I think so. But I reluctantly follow Henry (whom I know likes me at this point in time) to his study, where we proceed to watch the movie. He kept flirting with me hardcore, which of course is expected. I mean, look at me. (HA. Kidding). But I started flirting back, and then his mom came in. I LOVE THIS WOMAN. She is quite possibly the greatest mother on the face of the earth. She brought me food. Anyways, I chatted with him mom while Henry went to get something to drink. She left, and then the movie resumed. Then... I did the unspeakable. Andddd.. I kind of wanted to kiss him. So. I did. Twice. And I feel pretty skanky since I can't keep my hormones in check long enough to decide who I like & who I don't. Spectacular, no? Like, he's a sweet kid. He really is. And I'd date him. But he's a bit clingy, and he lives so far away. Ickk. Distance.

Fourth Boy. So, I work with this one. He goes to a college down south, about 100 miles from where I live. He came up for Thanksgiving and we were supposed to hang out. By the way, this is the sexiest boy I've seen in a while. He's resuming his studies as a Junior this year, and is going to be a cop. Hell freaking yes he is. As if he couldn't get any more sexy. Ha. Sorry. I got a little carried away there. Anyways. He has been texting me everyday for the past... three weeks or so. And I quite enjoy our meaningless conversations. And he has been saying that in May, we're going to date. I would tell the story about that one, but its much too long. Anyways. He's a legit nice guy, thus far. They always are. Then they show their true colors as assfucks. Mmm. Regardless, I spent the night at a friends last night, and sexy boy wanted to hang out. He text me a few times, and even called me. Now. I've been kind of smitten by this boy's looks for about two years now. We just started to get to know each other last week. Him calling me? Huge. But! I didn't get any of these texts or calls. Why? Because my best friend happens to live in boofoo and has no service in her house. Thus, I didn't get to hang out with my sexy boy. But I did get to see him today before he went back down to college. Goodness, he looks good :) But we're from different worlds. He's kind of a party goer, I am not. Well, I love parties, but I'm not into getting drunk. Or drinking. Or smoking. Or any of the above sorts. And I'm just a little kid. He's a junior. Two different worlds right there. But whatever happens, happens I guess. I've decided not to get involved. If he makes an effort to make a relationship, then I'll go along. But I'm not going out of my way on this one.
Fifth Boy. Hahaha. Kidding. There's no fifth boy. If there was, I'd be a class A skank.

Why is it that the word 'kid' has a masculine connotation to it? Whenever you here someone say, "Oh, I'm hanging out with this kid", you assume a boy? I guess because we say chick for girls. Just thought about that the other day.

Good Lord. Why is it the girl's fault when we do something identical that a guy does? This has just occured to me for the second time in two days. Alright. First instance. I say, 'Hey boy, let's hang out', to which unofficial plans were made. Nothing like, movies at 7, but something along the lines of, yeah, let's. But I was blown off. But when I blow someone off, unintentionally, I get yelled at. WTF. Second instance. Boy says he'll call me back in 20 minutes. He doesn't. For two hours. Now, I could really care less; I was preoccupied during this time, and I didn't really care whether or not he called me back or not. But when I say that I'll call him back, and don't because I'm making plans for Thanksgiving, all hell breaks loose. Hmm. Alright. COOL.

My Thanksgiving. How was it, you ask? Terrible. Miserable, really. My aunt & I do not get along well. Why? We are both bitches, to put it blatantly. And she always makes snide remarks about me whenever we're at family functions. So on Thanksgiving, she said something like, "Oh, look. You're smiling? God, get all the cameras out of the room. Don't want any lenses broken". First off, bitch, I have a better smile than your crooked snaggle tooth one that you carry around. Second, I wasn't going to let her ruin my awesome holiday. So I simply said, "Yup. God forbid that happen". To which she flips her shit. Calling me a bitch, a terrible person, and anything else she could think up. Meanwhile, my mother, cousin, and grandparents sitting there, silently. I deal with this often, so it wasn't something shocking. But regardless, I cried. Then, she proceeded to blame it on me. I hate my family, aside from my cousin and grandfather. Sweet Thanksgiving, right?

College applications are kicking my ass. I hate when my phone randomly dies. Boys drive me insane. I hate when my knees hurt. Headaches are a daily thing for me now. Lil Wayne is spectacular at what he does. I hate being half hungry/half not. I just became extremely downtrodden. In a matter of minutes. Scary. The Killers will always have my attention, too.